(я не психолог) (transurfer) wrote,
(я не психолог)
transurfer

I'm doing my homework

I have hard times formulating the statements "I am [something]" as a result of my traumatic experience.

I do have a lot to say about what's happening to me as a result of those experiences. For example, "I'm constantly being dumped or abandoned", "people don't see me as a valuable person in their lives", "I'm always betrayed and left behind", etc. One of the main themes of my story seems to be - those things happened and keep happening to me no matter WHAT I AM. I could have been or I can be lovable, talented, smart, valuable, funny, but it had, did, is and will be happening to me anyway.

So before I started therapy I used to define the problem with me as - something is inrernally wrong with me. That "something" is not identifyiable. I used to describe myself as a computer that has fatal and irrepeirable error in the operating system. The cumputer is stuffed with great hardware and software but it can't function successfully and it can't be fixed. I get this a lot: people get puzzled - I seem to have more that enough potential and resources to succeed but the life I have seems to disproportionally lousy. I'm smart enough to have a great carrer, I'm attractive and loving enough to have good relationships, etc. None of that seems to be goinbg for me; although, I try.

Am I even doing it right? Should I be listing things like "I can't defend my boundaries" or

I experience a lot of inner resistance. Possibly because I don't quite understand what's going to be happening to me if EMDR is successful. Miss Little still doea not understand why foing EMDR is not giving up.
Tags: моя психотерапия
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